Saturday, August 7, 2010

something's go by too fast, some don't

this week has blown by like a mad tornado in kansas. however, the circumstances that have made this week hard are still here.

i still am looking for housing. i am still dealing with heartbreak. i am still mouthbreathing and sneezing because of the allergies that have refused to subside.

jess has literally used all her free time doing leg work for my apartment search, but to no avail. i have a hard time seeing positives in the housing situation. i'm sad i have to find a place to myself. i'm sad that i am 25 and i still don't make very much money (though its on the up swing) and can't afford very many places. i love my new job, but the fact that i am staying in fort collins does remind me that things with daniel went horribly wrong...and that hurts.

i am heartbroken still. its no wonder, i haven't really dealt with the heartbreak side of things. its been go go go since i cut things off... and with purpose. i am scared to deal with these issues. i'm sad i need to at all. i'm a very introspective person, but i am so scared to look inside myself right now. and i miss daniel so much. yes, i'm angry at the situation, but it doesn't change the fact that i lost one of my good friend, the man i thought i was going to marry, and the hope of our future in the course of events. i miss our jokes, our language, our plans.

and seriously colorado? when did you decide to be all pollen ridden?!?!? i find myself holding my breath, because i simply forget that my nose barely works....except for sneezing.

i'm in such a transitional place right now its hard to see what real and imagined. things i convince myself of and what is actually right in front of me. please pray for me. i honestly don't know whats in the wings for me and i am terrified to find out. i love you all and appreciate your support in this.


  1. Love you.

    The allergies, the heartache, the transition: these too shall pass. And you'll find a new you there.

  2. "...Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
    2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

    3 For I am the LORD, your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;..." -Isaiah 43:1-3

    Notice it does say "around" or "above" or "under" or "hey let's just skip it" - which would all be nice. It says repeatedly, "when you walk THROUGH..." Not if. But when. Through.

    You are loved. Dive in to where it hurts, one foot in front of the other. The only way to get through is to go. Love you, beautiful.

  3. Love you, miss you, praying for you my friend...