Friday, July 30, 2010

something about the dark.

night is the hardest time for me. it's lonely, dark, and scary. and while i hold many good nights in my memory bank, and i find them difficult currently. i won't deny loving a campfire after a long day or staring at the stars. i love hearing the hooting and cooing birds at night, and even the sounds of traffic are nice as i am doozing off to sleep.

it's not so much the dark that is scary, but rather the lack of light. think about it. starless nights are just not as satisfying as ones where you can count the stars. its the recognition that there is more than the dark (there is life will the voices of animals) that makes the night not as daunting.

in the same vein, it doesn't really surprise me that God is called the great Light of the world. and that the absence of His presence, is sin. which is dark...hmm interesting.

i think its natural for me to want to be in the light, not in the dark. and to cling to the things that remind me of the light and life that is around me, regardless of the time of day.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

something unsettling.

its unsettling that i can't offer redemption to the guy i offered my entire life to. its unsettling that honesty is great, unless its about the indiscretion one holds. its unsettling that i am one month shy of 25 and i am still learning these lessons.

tonight held a crazy difficult conversation, followed by insight and reflection. just needed to write some things out...

i want to say thank you to the two women that offered me love through wisdom tonight. one is wise simple because she lets the Lord speak through her, and the other is wise because she survived the same heartache but many years longer than i did. thank you both for your words, your time, and your concern. you guys are both really great.

i don't think either of them read this, but i am getting through this time, rolling forward, because of people who are willing to offer their gifts. i am going to try to be better about giving credit where credit is due.

anyway, thats my two cents for tonight. it was a hard night and i am glad its over. love you all.

Monday, July 26, 2010

something new.

well folks, i'm starting a new blog. something to help me clear my head everyonce in a while.
i am a horrible blogger, but i just feel the need to create.

life has been really tricky. falling in love, falling out of an engagement, falling and not really sure who is going to catch me...but all of it goes back to a simple truth: i'm just skating along. i engage with others. i work with passion. i try really hard to learn lessons that i'll end up repeating. but at the end of the day there is no backward motion. only moving forward.

i'm not really doing this for anyone but myself, but that self is a pretty awesome person. i'm figuring that out. join me if you like.